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~~Mother's Instinct~~
My little girl, Arianna, was born on September 5, 2000. She was brought into this world by cesarean section. When I saw her, all that I wanted to do was hold her, but the doctors swept her away before I could. I heard her cry, all baby's are healthy when they cry out right?
Arianna was not healthy though. We knew that she was going to be born with a very rare disorder called Triploidy. There have only been a small number of babies that have ever been born with this disorder (0.1% of triploid conceptions or 1 in 50,000 livebirths). It occurs at conception. Something happened in which she received more chromosomes than humans are to have. Without the correct amount of chromosomes, drastic birth defects occur.
The doctors say that it was a miracle that she was born. 99.9% of the time that baby's have this disorder they are miscarried in the early weeks of pregnancy, or in other cases, stillborn. I knew that she was strong, and I thought that by her making it this far, she would be able to beat all odds.
She was born with a cleft lip, cleft pallette, clubfoot, spina bifada, and a bunch of other birth defects. The doctors stated that she did not have the ability to feel emotions, and would never understand regular thought. She would never walk, play, laugh, or smile. Even though I knew that she had many disorders, she was still my little baby girl.
The day I found out that I was pregnant with her, I was not surprised. I dreampt that I was pregnant, and I just had that feeling. They call it mother's instinct, I guess. When I found out for sure, I started to crochet a blanket. For my babies that I had before, I crocheted blue blankets, but this time, it was going to be pink.
I was 27, and my husband and I were very happy. But early on, I just knew that there was something that was wrong. My doctor told me that I was fine, and that everything was going along smoothley. My family told me that I had nothing to worry about, after all my other 2 children were fine, but I couldn't help that lingering feeling that there was a problem. Mother's instinct, I guess.
My pregnancy went along without complications and there were no signs of problems until my 7th month. When I went into the doctor's office, they noticed that my baby was not appearing to grow at the right rate, so, my doctor decided to do an ultrasound to determine her size. That was when we found out she was a girl, and it was also the time that we found out that she had Triploidy. My doctor told me she probably would not even make it through the birth.
My life was different after that day. I did not know what I was to expect, and my heart felt as if it had been ripped from my chest. My little baby was sick... Even though I had not yet met her, she was part of my soul. I was scared, confused, and all that I wanted was the chance to hold her in my arms.
The day finally came. After the doctor's performed her first tests after her birth, I was able to hold her. I prayed and held my little girl in my arms all night. She was so quiet and small, and all I could think of was that she may not live to see the next day. But she did.
I took her home in her little pink blanket, and days passed. She appeared to grow stronger each day. The days we spent with her were cherished. I knew it would not last forever, but I made each day as special as I could for her. Taking pictures, cuddling...
But, as all days come...the day came when she had passed away in the night. December 1, 2000. She was almost 3 months old. The doctors had told me she would not live past 3 hours.
Now, all I have left are memories that I hold dear to my heart, and the pictures that were taken. One that is my favorite.... she was sitting on the couch with the blanket I so lovingly made for her, the soft yarn cuddled her face. They said that she could not feel emotion, that is something that I do not believe, because I know that I see a smile and that feeling is there, the one that you get when you know your child is happy.... just mother's instinct I guess.
Author Unknown
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