Here's the scenario. You work hard all day. You expect to go home to a loving family. You're dead tired and the comfort of a peaceful oasis (home) and a welcoming brood (family) is just what you need. In reality, you go home to a needy family, which has expectations of its own.

Some of this reality can't change, of course. You really have worked hard all day. There are sports' practices, clubs, lessons...oh, and those kids get hungry, too! And what about your spouse? He or she would also love a calm, relaxing evening.

Well, maybe you've forgotten about the Buffer Zone.

The Buffer Zone is that span of time AFTER you leave work (and it doesn't matter whether you work inside or outside your home) and BEFORE you arrive at your home for the evening. It's not so much a distance or amount of time as it is a psychological separation. A sense in your brain (that is translated to your body) that one part of your day has been completed and another has just begun.

Ignoring the Buffer Zone often means you'll start having feelings of resentment and frustration. 'Can't these kids give me 5 minutes?', you'll think to yourself. 'How dare my spouse ask me to cook tonight, can't he see how tired I am?', you snap to yourself. Then, eventually, you'll start snapping out loud.

Using the Zone puts you back in control. It recognizes that you are the master of your own fate and the queen of your castle. Taking care of your own reasonable needs first means you will be ready to focus on others' needs when you get home.

OK. How do you make the Zone happen?

Easy. Think about what you like to do. Or what you wish you could do. Then build a little of those things into your daily schedule.

For example:

- Schedule that manicure on the way home from work.

- Keep a favorite magazine in the car and permit yourself 15 quiet, peaceful minutes of reading.

- Buy or borrow some audiotapes for the drive home. Why tune in to local news when you could listen to your favorite novel or self-educate yourself on an infinite variety of topics?

- Plan out you and your family's future and how you're going to get there.

- Stop for 15 minutes at a favorite park or lake.

- Schedule and organize the rest of the evening. Bringing order to your chaos can calm everyone down.

Get the picture?

There are a couple of keys for making this time work for you.

One, it cannot be used as an avoidance tactic. If your family starts complaining about the amount of time you're spending in your Buffer Zone then you are really just avoiding the problem.

Two, your time in the Zone must be genuinely valuable and beneficial to YOU, not just a time to do more errands for others.

Understood properly and used wisely, the Buffer Zone is a tool that can improve the quality of your regular family time and enhance your own sense of well-being.

And everybody can agree on that. 

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